Please Cry, Baby
by animationgalKIA
Summary: Fool. That's what he thinks of her. A fool. A fool for pining for someone who will never share her ideals, always throwing his life away under his very own whim. One-sided Orga/Kudelia. Takes place in the middle of the 2nd season.


**_Hoooooo boy..._** where to begin with IBO?

I remember when the show first premiered on Toonami back in June 2016. The last time I watched Gundam was _G Gundam_ , and I mean that in general (no SEED, no 00, no Unicorn, _nothing_ ). I was a little wary if I was going to enjoy the show or not, considering the franchise's long history & whether all the shows take place in the same universe. (Thankfully, IBO takes place in its own world.) Then I watched the first episode, and, despite my confusion over the show's politics, I was hooked to it right away. IBO reminded me of _Code Geass_ , another mecha show that I LOVED when it came out, and I was particularly drawn to Orga Itsuka (whose dub VA voices Lelouch, coincidentally XD). What can I say? I found him handsome, charismatic, not to mention he had this troubled-but-cute aura that I find incredibly attractive in male characters.

Then there was Kudelia Aina Bernstein, whom I also latched onto due to her design. Although I kept it to myself, I had already started shipping her with Orga before they properly interacted. They seemed more aesthetically compatible than, say, Mika/Kudelia, Orga/Merribit, or even Orga/Mika (sorry fujoshis). Not to mention that they share similarities: both being the leaders of an organization/political movement, both wanting to do the best for everyone, both losing precious loved ones (Biscuit and Fumitan) and changing from those experiences... they really had the potential to connect on a deep level. But hey, the 1st season kept pushing the naive Kudelia with glorified sociopath Mika (& Atra, but she fares much better), and with a 2nd season along the way, I thought that things would change.

I was wrong.

 ***SPOILERS ABOUND. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.***

Absolutely **_nothing_** had changed by the time Season 2 came around. _**It only got worse**_. Kudelia's role was greatly reduced from budding diplomat to passive arm-candy to Mika via Atra's harem shenanigans, and rarely, _if ever_ , got the opportunity to shine like she did back in Season 1. Her world revolved around nobody else but Mika & Atra, and stuck like hot glue to them despite the staggering amount of flaws those two have in terms of their characters & relationships. While I eventually warmed up to her connection with Atra, I don't understand why Kudelia is deeply head over heels for Mika despite the fact that: 1) he's illiterate, 2) too emotionally-stunted, 3) has no will of his own, 4) can't understand her ideals of world peace, 5) left in the dark about his so-called entitled harem throughout most the season, & 6) would probably let himself be killed under Orga's orders without any objections.

You would think that the last part would have had Kudelia (or Atra) to start developing issues towards Orga, _especially_ with Mika's deteriorating condition, but the show never gave an opportunity to present something like that—even more so with _***DEATH FLAGS AHOY***_ Orga kicking the bucket near the finale. _Right after he and Kudelia shared what was probably their only heartfelt moment in the whole damn show_. I can go on and on about the **_absolute trainwreck_** of S2, but I don't want to talk any further, so I will let my story do all the talking. (All I can say is this though: thank god Mika croaked, at least he finally escaped the crappy poly-love triangle.)

Misc. note: Title is inspired by The Neighbourhood's song _Cry Baby_ ; I think the song fits them to some extent, at least from Orga's POV; I also give credit to DevonGoesToHeaven for helping me out a bit with this story. Hope you like it, girl!

Gundam IBO (c) Sunrise

Fanfiction (c) Me

* * *

"Boss, I'm worried about Mikazuki."

Orga sits by his desk, one eye shut but hidden by his bang and another eye focusing on some reports—projected ones only seen in his mind, that is. In the solemn comfort of his headquarters, Kudelia stands right across from him.

Only in this situation, the atmosphere is anything _but_ comforting.

"I know this sounds sudden to bring it up, and if you'd rather not talk about it right now, I understand. But..." Kudelia pauses a bit, tightening her folded arms before continuing, "with everything that's been happening lately, _I just can't help but worry_."

Orga can hear the slight tremor in her voice, but he tries to busy himself with more important matters. Tekkadan. King of Mars. McGillis. Gjallarhorn. Teiwaz. Turbines.

 _Bro_.

The mention of him makes Orga grit his teeth, remembering the huge casket meant to fit Bro—Naze—and his wife Amida, all while their corpses are rotting far away in enemy territory.

It's been only a few days since the couple's tragic demise under Gjallarhorn, forcing the Turbines to disband and Tekkadan to lose a valuable partner to its success. Now that it's suspected that several of the higher-ups from Teiwaz is complicit in the attack, Orga has no choice but to further depend on his alliance with McGillis. He can't turn back now. _King of Mars_ is a title far too important to push aside, so long as McGillis keeps his word once he takes over Gjallarhorn and rewards Tekkadan with the Mars colonies—thereby giving Orga and his friends a place where they always belonged.

This is far more important than what he is hearing right now. _It should be_.

"I even offered to help on the farm he always dreamed of, but he said no. He's still the same after all this, which makes me—"

"Young Miss," Orga cuts her off, his businesslike title stained with a bit of bitterness. "Everyone in Tekkadan is risking their lives. You do realize that, right?"

Taken aback by the curt retort, the blonde exclaims, "O-of course I do!" Kudelia rushed to Tekkadan shortly after hearing the news of Naze and Amida's deaths, knowing full well of the special relationship it had with the Turbines. At the same time, she is also aware of the Tekkadan-McGillis alliance— _just McGillis_ , not Gjallarhorn (much to her wariness). But even when she requested to speak with the dark-skinned teen privately over condolences and the future of Tekkadan, she ends up shifting the topic to Mikazuki.

To nobody's surprise.

"I care about everyone very much! Mikazuki, Miss Atra, I see them _all_ as family as much as you do!"

For some reason, the part where she says " _I see them all as family_ " throws him off in more ways than one. Not because he is questioning her loyalty to Tekkadan. Because—in the context of family—the love for relatives goes two ways: either you love them all equally, or you pick _favorites_ among them. Favorite. Favorite. And the rest.

 _So what about me?_

"True, Mika is a valuable member to Tekkadan. Without his skills, we wouldn't be where we are now. As long as I'm in command, he'll help us reach to our goal. I'm sure of it." The certainty of that statement, however, crumbles behind the composed, detached facade Orga tries to put on. The rushed praise of his comrade only hides conflicting feelings racking through his psyche; he can't tell whether he's trying to reassure his priorities or he's trying to shut down the subject.

"But like this?" Kudelia asks. "The reason why I'm mentioning him now is that he's already paralyzed from one of Tekkadan's battles! And you're close to him, so aren't you concerned over his well-being as well?!"

 _I am_. As if another grit to the teeth isn't enough of a frustrating sign. But Mikazuki makes him not apologize.

Not too long ago, Barbatos Lupus completely wrecked itself in its devastating battle with the genocidal abomination Hashmal, paralyzing Mikazuki on his entire right side whenever he's not in the cockpit. The sight of the end result painfully burned itself into Orga's memory, branding it with a loop set in endless motion—or _lack_ thereof, in terms of the pilot.

Here he is in the jagged tide of mechanical parts, unable to swim against the guilt-ridden flow with his numb limbs dangling in the way. His slouched body hardens as stone beneath all that skin and muscle, with his impassive face frozen as ice. The tarnished ice gushes out nasty red leaks from his right eye and nose, bleeding all the way down through his stone-cold body. No gleam ever shines in his eyes, for they are as empty as the depths of cruel space.

It can basically be described as the image of a corpse. Yet it is a corpse that is still alive.

Even when he told Orga he couldn't feel his legs, there was no hint of sadness. No raw emotion. Even when all he does nowadays is depend on comrades to carry him over the shoulder, he acts like it's nothing. Even when Orga picks him up off the cot every morning, he never utters a word. Even when he _does_ utter a word to Orga, it's a never-ending mantra of pressuring him to put him back on Barbatos, to order him whom should he kill next, to order him to do _something_ because his life was given by him, that he needs to use his all and take him to the place where they always belonged, even when Orga drops tight-lipped hints that he should stop talking and stay back for his own good, but he retorts that he won't stay like this for long, that he'll back in the battlefield because Orga needs him to fight, that his sole purpose in life is to serve Orga and Orga alone, which the latter responds by furrowing his brows and clenching his teeth, frustrated that he can't seem to shake his mind despite his unshakable loyalty.

If a normal person is told that they'll never be able to walk again, their initial reaction will probably be uncontrollable crying and bouts of self-hatred—even if they initially try to put up a dead front. But for Mika, there are no signs of impending outbursts—not now or in the future. No whimpering. No tears. No insults. Just a numb, frozen expression.

Like a corpse.

An aimless, hopeless corpse.

Why can't she understand that?

"Kudelia. Why are you so concerned about him?" Orga is still facing the empty desk, his tone grim as it was before.

"Because he's part of Tekkadan, and it's my duty to show concern for any—"

" _I'm asking again_. Why are you so concerned about him?"

A professional response doesn't cut it for the young man, as the young woman finds out the hard way. His golden eye traps her amethyst ones, binding them in a dark gaze that breaks her posture, frightening her to her very core. Though half his face is concealed by his bang, his nearly venomous tone and glare saps the air out of her, like a snake wrapping itself around its prey.

Silence. She makes an audible gulp. His patience is wearing thin.

" _Well?_ "

Standing upright with trembling limbs, she jolts herself to look away, pursed lips quivering, heartbeat faster. "B-because... Because..." Kudelia starts. "Because Miss Atra told me that seeing the coffin reminded her of losing Mikazuki. Of what might happen to him if he goes away again. I don't even want to think about it either"—she clutches her wrist—"neither does she, but we know that Mikazuki doesn't care of what we say on the matter. He doesn't seem to care about his own life either, neither his dream nor anyone else's words seem to have an effect on him. But the only words he listens to are from you, Boss, and this distresses Miss Atra greatly. Do you know what she even said—" She covers her mouth, stopping herself from going any further.

"What?"

"N-nothing, it's nothing."

"What did she tell you?"

"It's not that important to know."

" _I want to know_ ," Orga demands. " _Spill it_."

Unable to avoid his venomous glare, Kudelia braces herself as her cheeks turn red. "S-she said that the only way to keep Mikazuki down—t-to keep him from fighting—is to... to... to..." She can't believe what she's going to say next. "Have babies. Become a parent." She flushes even further, clearing up the last part. "Become an early father."

...

 _Father._

 _Become a... father?_

 _Father? Father?!_

If the now fuming, shamefully embarrassed Atra (who'd probably beat her toddler hands onto Kudelia, sobbing why she had to tell him that) was here right now, no doubt that she would bawl like a baby after what he'll do next.

The scowl from earlier loses its edge, mushing itself into something that lets out the sound, "Heh heh heh heh..."

"?!"

"Heh heh heh heh... _HA HA HA HA HA...!_ " What started off as a grunting chuckle soon blasts itself into explosive laughter, none of it filled with genuine warmth, but with sheer, raw mockery. Kudelia can only stand there appalled by this poor reaction.

"Become a parent! At his age!" Orga exclaims, before breaking down into another fit. "He can't even handle his own money! And Atra thinks that he's ready— _ha ha ha!_ —to become a parent!" What is just seen as an intimate secret forced out of its beloved keeper morphs into a morbid, comedic punchline to him.

"Stop laughing! This isn't a joke!"

He briefly relaxes after her irritated command, shaking his head in disbelief. "Oh, wow... You ever told her how ridiculous she is?"

"What else can I say to her?!" Kudelia blasts. "She really believes that it's the only way to keep him from dying! I personally don't agree with her way of thinking, but I couldn't just shoot down her idea so bluntly! She's not in charge of Tekkadan! Mikazuki is very precious to her, she loves him with all her heart—"

"Do you love him?"

She freezes. It's as if he punctured her lungs. "Wha... Wh-what does it have to do with this? Wh-why is it i-important to know?"

"I'm asking if you love him or not. Well, _do you?_ "

She turns away again, clutching her wrist even tighter. Orga doesn't pay attention much due to the constant workload, but he remembers how Kudelia would always keep asking him where Mika was whenever she had time to visit Tekkadan. If Orga answered that Mika was busy piloting in the front line or whatnot, Kudelia would either cut their conversation short and go search for Atra or drag it longer with subjects specifically related to Mika—how amazing he is on piloting Barbatos, how overjoyed she feels to learn that he is improving his writing skills, how determined she is to help him accomplish his dream of raising a farm, and she goes on and on...

And on and on...

 _And on and on..._

The only time she didn't drag a conversation about the damn boy was when they were discussing of business matters between Tekkadan and Admoss Company—and even then, _and even now_ , her tone never raises itself beyond distant formality, not to her advisor, not to Tekkadan's support officers...

Not even to Orga himself, the man single-handedly responsible for who Mika is now.

But no, _no_ , her sentimental melodies have to be reserved for Mika and Mika alone—and Orga could have let it all slide. He doesn't deny that Mika is an amazing person. He doesn't deny it in the slightest. What he _does_ deny is his understanding of this mind-blowing question of why, _why_ , is the Maiden of the Revolution so fixated on this amazing person who is violently riddled with the stench of blood and gore.

How can she speak so highly of someone who, as far as Orga knows, will NEVER cry with her when loved ones die, for he's seen—and committed—too much bloodshed to be able to shed tears? How can she worry over his well-being if he doesn't give a damn about being a _cripple_ , brushing off his paralysis like it's only a mere nuisance? Hell, he could have his entire arm and leg chopped off and _still_ demand to pilot Barbatos, ignoring both stumps with that deadpan stare of his.

Because Barbatos is now Mika's only way of living. _War_ has always been his only way of living.

Orga is all too aware of this, but could Kudelia truly understand if she were in his shoes, having to be watched over like a hawk and be pushed and pushed to achieve the dream through whatever means necessary, even if she were to crawl back into a dark corner and grieve over the tragedies unfolding along the way? Could she still gaze fondly at the boy if he were to grab her by the collar, look at her dead in the eye, and order her whom should he kill next, how many he should kill in order to achieve that dream? Can she still be able to curb his bloodlust and woo him over with her beliefs of a peaceful life?

Mikazuki told him something once. " _Kudelia said this. That's she's going to make a world where we don't have to fight. I couldn't really understand it. But I don't have to now. I can't run anymore without Barbatos. That means I can't live without fighting._ " The young man doesn't know if the boy ever blurted it out to her face, but he guesses he never did, not yet anyways.

Because all the man sees now is that _red flush_ spreading across the young woman's cheeks.

He clenches his fists. It's become incredibly clear.

The Maiden of the Revolution, a symbol of hope, freedom, and willpower, is pining after someone who has no will of his own, who is utterly hopeless by falling deaf to her pleas and enslaving himself to his leader's commands. She pines for someone who is all too willing to throw his life away—even at the chance of settling on a farm—because he cannot survive without fighting alone. She may have physically grown into a mature woman, but she still retains the mindset of a lovesick girl waiting for her knight in shining armor.

A knight whose rusted armor is filled with rotting flesh.

It's almost a pathetic sight to see that she essentially loves a corpse.

Orga stands up, heaving an aggravated sigh. She doesn't respond—and doesn't need to. "Don't worry about him. Get over him."

"What?"

"He's not worth your time. You're far better off worrying over someone who at least is eager to strive for a life outside of war. Or at least isn't too eager to kill enemies, that little monster."

"What are you saying?! Mikazuki isn't a monster! He has dreams, passions, _feelings_ , he shouldn't be used only as a weapon!" Kudelia chokes up, her emotions getting the better of her. "Are you going to send him off to go avenge the Turbines? Just like what you did when Biscuit died? When he may never be coming back?!"

" _What the hell do you want me to do about it?! Huh?! Push him back to the sidelines?! I can't turn back now!_ " Orga hollers, his anger reaching its boiling point. "And neither will Mika! He'll make goddamn sure that I make him fight even if it costs him his life! Do you know what it feels like to deal with someone like him every single day?! To deal with someone who's only known death and destruction throughout his entire life?! And to carry the burden of his life in your hands, even if he doesn't give two shits about how much you suffer and only cares about being useful on the mission?! _It's enough to drive me absolutely insane!_ " He boils further when it looks like he hasn't crushed her spirits even further. "Can I tell you something?! You said you wanted to make a world where there is no fighting! Well, he doesn't understand it! **_And he never will!_** "

The explosive roar at the last part blasts throughout the entire room, deafening it into utter silence. Orga pants heavily with bloodshot eyes while Kudelia stands speechless, too stunned to react by the damning revelation.

...

Piecing together what little hope she has left, she breaks the silence by asking quietly, oh so quietly, "... Are you enjoying this? Does it make you feel any better? Just lashing out at me, Mikazuki, Miss Atra, just like that?"

He can only pant for several more seconds until he catches his breath, lowering his gaze as he fades out of his ballistic state. "No, I don't. I don't enjoy this. Not one bit. I'm not better"—he clamps a hand over his face—" _I'm not better_." The composed, detached facade Orga tries to put on shatters under the emotional turmoil, along with his voice. "I've lost too much. _Too much_. I just wanted to give Tekkadan the lives they deserve, but... at this price..." The unbearable tightening of his throat threatens the tears ready to pour out. "Biscuit... Bro... Mikah..."

The cries to Orga's precious comrades—two of them gone, one waiting to join them—flash back memories right before his choked sobs. The gentle sea breeze as Biscuit threatened to quit Tekkadan. The regal ornaments as Naze confronted his dream of achieving a dubious title. The dimly lit floor as Mika forced him not to apologize. All the surroundings ran vividly within him, but they failed to leave their mark compared to their comrades' words.

 _"There must be a way to go home without endangering everyone!" "Is the King of Mars really a goal you're pursuing for your family?" "Orga, take me."_

 _Stop it._

 _"As long as you command me, I'll"—don't care where you're headed. It just seems like you're in too much of a hurry"—not to purposely take the dangerous path!"_

 _Stop it._

 _"You just wan-_ _force ourselves here and somebody dies?!-y_ _ou think it's your faul-_ _will be no futur-arrive_ _at your goal sooner and take it eas-_ _I won't let you apologize."_

 _STOP IT!_

Mess. Too much mess. The mess of words—pleading, urging, warning—overlap with devastating insanity—roiling, roiling, roiling—he can't make them out. Too much to bear. It's too much. Too much. _Too much_.

"Orga..."

Yet, in her comforting tune, Kudelia places a hand near his racked shoulder. It feels like forever since she last called him by his name—not just "Boss", but Orga. _Orga Itsuka_. Hearing that sweet little melody overwhelms him so much. How can she bring herself to show compassion to him after his outburst earlier? How can a girl so loving be enamored with someone who won't respond to her touch?

" _Then, the woman next to you suddenly looks really pretty..._ "

 _What the...?_ Wasn't Naze just criticizing Orga earlier? Why is this coming to him all of a sudden? It is a memory way back when Tekkadan and the Turbines honored the fallen from space, after their fight with the Brewers. Something about engaging in passionate intimacy after a funeral, supposedly to raise the birth rate or whatnot.

" _Hah!_ "

The next thing he knows, the girl gasps as she is pinned against a wall, his height towering over hers. "Do you know how I'll get better?" he whispers in her ear. She doesn't respond—she _can't_ respond, because he has her so pressed against him that she almost can't breathe. "Comfort me. There are things a woman can do, right?"

For only Kudelia and Kudelia alone can comfort him. "O... Org—"

His lips slam against hers before she can even speak.

Time stops.

Hearts stop.

Warmth stops.

The warm, comforting lips Orga expects to relish and savor suddenly turn cold. He opens his eyes, and is alarmed by the hollow orbs, having lost their lilac shine. Her body also loses her softness as well. It's as if she, too, became a corpse.

 ** _Slap!_**

However, that cold stiffness is immediately replaced by hot anger.

Kudelia slaps Orga, hard, making him feel the hot, stinging pain of rejection. "H-how could you...?" She clings to her wrist for dear life against her chest, hot tears streaming down her face. Upon further examination, he sees a blue-knit bracelet on her wrist, which looks almost exactly like Atra's bracelet—and Mikazuki's, for that matter.

She bitterly scowls at him. "No matter what you do or how you feel, you're the one throwing his life away," she says, and storms off for the door.

"Tch." He winces as he closes one eye again, palming the stinging sensation in his cheek. "You're a fool," he mutters.

Fool. That's what he thinks of her. A fool. A fool for pining for someone who will never share her ideals, always throwing his life away under his very own whim.

 _Orga's_ very own whim.

...

" _I'm a fool_."

And what a fool he is, making her cry like that. (And what a fool he is as a whole, caring more about his ambitions than his friends.) The action he committed is more than enough to make the chivalrous Naze writhe in his grave if he ever saw this. In fact, a jaw-breaking punch to the face and calling him scum would've done the trick.

Especially if the late man heard that his pupil simply took his advice like a fool—and made her run off like a crybaby.

* * *

Recognize the _Code Geass_ Shout-Out I put there? (From R2, EP 7; you know the scene.)


End file.
